Every part of me wants to paint But my mood won’t let me .

Hi  and welcome this is my first ever attempt at this so bear with me, Having suffered all my life with bipolar but only just found out recently, although it’ been suggested frequently over the years. I find myself to trying to get a handle on this, now i finally know why i behave the way i do I am trying earnestly to understand and control my mood changes although i think control is the wrong word in this case maybe capitalise mmm not sure about that either though there are times when i am manic that i feel like a force to be reckoned with and seem to get a positive response from those around me sometimes not too.

I am interested to hear peoples thoughts and suggestions, today for example I find myself rapid cycling i write this feeling pretty good a bit manic but without which i would be doing nothing good. probably something reckless or just plain stupid which would leave full of regret. I woke this morning pretty level and then felt inspired to paint by the time i got home some ten minutes later I had lost all motivation though I still feel like I want to, so frustrating wanting and really needing to do something and then really not feeling able, It can be the most simple tasks and the most mundane and then i will change my mind and think of something amazing and get totally into that idea completely consumed in my brilliance lol and then having wasted money energy and time it will end up as just another one of my fads so to speak, To give you an idea ten minutes ago I was seriously considering buying 50 ft commercial fishing boat that is old and knackered a bit like me with the crazy idea that i could fix it up and use it REALLY Paul !!! sometimes i sicken myself sometimes I crack myself up my family does not find it that amusing, At least they have not come home to a horse in the back garden recently and the assurance from me that everything was fine that it could live there no worries.

I will wrap up for now but I truly hope somebody reads this and if so would love to hear from you.